


Dark Paradise

by notyourdadsaugspecialist



Category: Final Fantasy X
Genre: Angst, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 12:25:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6116392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notyourdadsaugspecialist/pseuds/notyourdadsaugspecialist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even after being in Spira for so long, it’s still hard to fathom the fact that everyone he ever knew, ever loved, was dead and gone. And had been for over a thousand years. He still has his doubts until he visits the Farplane with the party, and sees the lover he left behind in Zanarkand.</p><p>(Tidus/Lulu is platonic ONLY.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Paradise

 

 

  
_there's no remedy for memory your face_  
_Like a melody, it won't leave my head_  
_Your soul is haunting me and telling me_  
_That everything is fine_  
_But I wish I was dead_

  
_Every time I close my eyes_  
_It's like a dark paradise_  
_No one compares to you_  
_I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side_

_\- Dark Paradise, Lana del Rey_

 

 

Even before he completely understands what the Farplane is, Tidus knows he doesn’t want to go. It’s easy to accept that he’s a thousand years into the future on paper - well, that’s a total lie, it’s honestly hard as fuck - but having irrefutable proof is another thing entirely. And he isn’t sure he wants to know. Regardless, he’s expected to follow the party, so he does.

 

For several long minutes, Tidus simply takes everything in. The Farplane is incredible. Just as ethereal as it sounds. He’s taken with the inappropriate urge to jump down into the field of flowers below them, but somehow manages to resist.

 

To his right he sees Wakka talking to an apparition of who he can only assume is Chappu. He thinks to himself that he really doesn’t see the resemblance, but he’s thankful for the brotherly affection all the same. Not wanting to intrude, he quietly walks away from Wakka toward Lulu, who hasn’t yet summoned up the image of anyone.

 

“This is amazing,” he says quietly, and she hums in agreement.

 

“I remember the first time I came here, as a child. I got dizzy and nearly fell off the edge.” She chuckles softly, shaking her head at herself before turning to look at Tidus. “Have you tried calling anyone? All you have to do is think of them, and they appear.” He shakes his head mutely, suddenly trying very hard not to think of all the people back home. Tidus closes his eyes tightly. His first thought is his mother, of course. She had died a long time before he got trapped here.  He pauses, trying to stop his mind from where it is going next, but trying _not_ to think about something is like trying to stop the sun from setting.

 

Lulu makes a surprised noise in her throat from her place beside Tidus, and the boy opens his eyes against his will, meeting the intense gaze of a tall, dark-haired, fair-skinned boy with pouty lips and a crooked nose that he had hoped to gods wouldn’t be there. Seeing those flashing grey eyes is like a punch to the gut. His veins turn to ice, stomach to lead, and the air leaves his lungs in a whoosh. Lulu quickly steps up behind him, steadying him as he threatens to crumble to his knees.

 

He remembers sweat, teeth clacking, gasping, panting, skin on skin as they fucked, basking in the adrenaline rush of a solid victory. He remembers the way his heart leapt into his throat the first time those lips touched his. He remembers their first fight, the door slamming, and finally understanding why his mother had just completely shut down when Jecht disappeared. He remembers serenity, sitting on the roof of his apartment at four in the morning sharing a bottle of cheap wine, and thinking to himself that he could spend the rest of his life like this, with him. He remembers the feeling of his blood turning to ice after he first said “I love you,” when it took him too long to respond. He remembers the jealous stares, the pride that swelled in his chest when he went anywhere with him, their fingers intertwined.

 

Dead.

 

Only the dead show up in the Farplane.

 

Tidus tastes bile in his mouth, and he quickly swallows it down so the others won't see. The thickness in his throat remains, however, making it hard to breathe.

 

“Who was he?”

 

Tidus flinches at the soft voice in his ear. He had forgotten that the only reason he was still standing was that Lulu had wrapped her arms around him.

 

“He was _everything_ ,” the boy replies, his voice rough with grief. “I didn’t think…. I wasn’t sure, I didn’t really believe…” He chokes out.  At last, the carpet is ripped from underneath his feet. And it's then, grief ripping through his heart, that he knows with certainty that he isn't ever going home. Tidus leans against Lulu, thankful for the comfort and support.

 

“I’m sorry,” she says gently, voice full of sympathy and understanding. She says nothing more, just strokes his hair until he is able to stand again. He eventually pulls away and straightened, wiping his eyes roughly before half-turning to look at her.

  
“Please don’t -” Tidus breaks off to muffle a quiet sob. “Please don’t tell anyone. Don’t tell Yuna. I don’t want her to worry.” The dark-haired woman nods, and wraps an arm around his shoulder silently, squeezing his shoulder gently as they both look at the apparition of the freshest, keenest loss of all. His true love.


End file.
